The Never-Ending One-Sided Conversation That Just Won’t Stop

While hiking at dusk, I was surrounded by the sights, smells and sounds of desert in spring. A flock of quail startled and flew for cover near the trail. The brilliant flowers were popping out everywhere. The fragrance of the desert creosote and sage was so potent. My bliss was broken by the negative conversation I was having……with myself……inside my head. There is an aspect of my life that I don’t feel happy about and unconsciously I started fixating on that topic during my hike.

How many times have you caught yourself having that one-sided conversation with yourself about something or someone that triggers you to ruminate?  Your imaginary rant about all the things you would say as you lose energy in your stream of negativity. But in your mind, you are taking a stand to make a point with all the courage and bravado that you can imagine.

Oh, the scenarios you create and the empowering points you make…. in your head. The imaginary conversation is one-sided because the target of your thoughts is not even present. The rumination goes on and on even though you try to distract yourself out of the loop of your inner dialogue. You finally will yourself to stop, only to find yourself unconsciously drawn, like a boomerang, back into that same stream of imaginary conversation again. The fixation pulls you out of the present moment and creates internal stress that derails your focus.

You are ruminating because you are sitting on the fence about something. There is a decision you have not made or an action you need to take, but you have not yet committed to a decision or action due to your fear of what you might lose vs what you might gain. You are stuck on the fence when you resist making a change or initiating a conversation.

We stay on the fence because on one side, we can be sure of security and safety, even if it is something we are unhappy about. On the other side, is change, the unknown, the possible solution if we are willing to risk loss of comfort and security. We stay on the fence when we are stuck in our resistance.

It was interesting on my hike how many times my thoughts returned to the fixation of that inner dialogue. Here is what I did to shift my mood back into neutrality and inner peace.

1. I breathed deeply into my power place located 3 inches below my naval and back towards my spine, into the center of my core.
2. I turned up the volume of my awareness using my senses to connect to the beauty of the desert around me. I plugged into the sights, smells and sounds of dusk. I embodied the desert to get out of my head and create a Spiritual connection without separation.
3. I asked myself, “What is the truth here? What do I know is true about this scenario that I’m fixating on and what is my fantasy about it?”
4. I changed my “fixation” to a stream of everything in my day that I felt appreciation for.
5. As I walked along, I said to myself. These are my legs that I’m walking on. There is no separation. These are my arms attached to me with no separation. This is my heart that is beating my blood with no separation. This is my hair, with no separation. Naming all of my body parts that were present and connected to me on this walk, to embody all parts of me as present, healthy and real and not indulging in my fantasies. 

I finished my hike at twilight, looking down at the twinkling city lights, feeling lighter and invigorated from my hike. The inner peace that I desired to feel from my connection to nature was fully restored. I learned that my body is in my mind, not separate from my thoughts.  I was able to get out of the inner dialogue playing in my head by using my awareness to become more present in my body and connected to my physical surroundings.

What are the one-sided conversations that you are having? Schedule a 30-minute consultation with me to learn how the Dharma Design Session can help you to get off the fence for the change you want to make. 602-363-5533 or schedule here.