You know who those individuals are who push your buttons, trigger you to lose your space, and kick off your inner dialogue that opens the door to self-doubt and insecurity. They may be your partner, your family member, or someone in your workplace.
They have no clue about how what they say, or how they say it, is undermining your inner peace and self-confidence.
The inner dialogue starts running; the internal shake of insecurity starts to rumble. You lose your emotional balance and trip yourself up. You are swirling internally in your emotional soup.
What’s so interesting about this dynamic is that we think the root of the problem is the external person, but in reality, we open the door to feeling triggered internally by our own inner tyrant first. This is an interesting twist!
Even more surprising is that some of our most valuable lessons come from our tyrants. Without tyrant work, we would not have opportunities for personal growth.
I teach my clients how to “close the door” on their tyrants.
- Tyrants can be environmental, like the heat of summer or the loud ticking of a clock.
- Tyrants can be related to time and space. How fast time is going, and space such as your office or your home.
- Situational tyrants, such as political triggers or social scenarios, can be a tyrant.
- Situations involving people and personalities in our lives. Some of our strongest lessons come from people who create personal challenges that catalyze our personal and professional growth. These are some of our most valuable life teachers.
We experience the personality tyrant type when we are at the mercy of difficult people, authority figures, or people in positions of power. To close the door on these tyrants, we regain our power, find our voice, and hold our bottom lines. It takes an act of courage to face these tyrants, and when we do, we gain an increase in our measure of self-worth.
Once you see the internal stress you are creating within yourself, you cannot unsee it. The tyrant won’t stop until you close the door on their impact.
Once you close the door on these difficult people, you can feel neutral in their presence, like water off a duck’s back. They may continue to do that thing or speak in that tone that triggered you, but you no longer feel concern about it or give away your power to them.
Step by Step to close the door on these tyrants:
- Self-Awareness is the first step to see how you are opening the door to losing energy or feeling triggered when you are around these individuals. It starts by noticing your own negative inner dialogue that is directed at yourself. Judgement, expectations, insecurity, shame, lack of confidence. You find yourself on a mental-emotional roller coaster. You are distracted.
- The result is that your self-worth takes a hit. Pretender voices start ruminating. I’m not enough. I’m not competent. Fear of making a mistake or being judged keeps you from taking action or asserting yourself. You are afraid of the unknown, and you are angry with yourself.
- The pain is self-inflicted from a reaction to this external person.
- How can you stop this self-sabotaging dynamic?
- To close the door to this tyrant is to take responsibility for your life, what you are feeling, and what actions you can take.
- Pick up a strategy to silence the inner dialogue. This can be a few deep breaths, a turnaround mantra, or shifting your focus to a long drink of water.
- Confront the fear inside you. Make the unknown known. Courageously address what you are afraid of from a place of inner trust and truth.
- Courageously speak up for yourself. What do you need to communicate to that difficult person? What bottom line or boundary do you need in place, so they are aware of what works for you and what doesn’t work?
- Most importantly- what is this tyrant teaching you? This is not a scenario of “I win, and you lose.” Ideally, it will create a “win-win” because you have courageously shared what you need and they are now more aware of the impact of their behavior. If no one ever tells them, how will they become aware of how they can grow personally?
- They may choose not to make any refinements in their behavior or attitude, and this is within their circle. You have closed the door to reacting to them, so whatever they do going forward will be like water off a duck’s back.
- You can now say “been there, done that, got the T-shirt” because you got the lesson from your Tyrant Teacher.
Consult Sara@Directions4Wellness.com to learn how you can close the door on your personal tyrants. You can read about Tyrant Teachers in her book “Courage to Shine: How to Feel Confident Outside Your Comfort Zone” available on Amazon and Audible.
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