Staying Calm in No-Control Situations

I was recently flying to Australia on a jam-packed Jet when at 3:00 am the pilot announced there was a mechanical issue and that we were being diverted to Honolulu. Everyone would need to depart the plane on arrival.  This was a shocking surprise to wake up to, that came out of the blue. Upon arrival in Honolulu, we stood in line for three hours for our hotel vouchers. The airline advised us to wait and see when we would continue our flight to Sydney which could be later that night or otherwise to be determined. They made no promises.

I spent the rest of the day bonding with my travel companions as the airline communication continued to flux and waiver on the timing of our departure. Meeting in the hotel lobby and hallways we felt connected in our shared plight. I made new friends and stepped into the spirit of this adventure as a situation that I had no control over.

Life can bring unexpected events from far-left field that throw off our plans and present us with wild ripples in our choreography.

In these scenarios, Life presents us with two choices to respond:

• Option A: We can freak out, stress out and fight against the situation which takes a toll on our energy resources and ultimately our health. This reactive response will put us into the “done to me” attitude of victim and blame mindset. Why me? Why now? How could they do this?

• Option B: We can meet the unexpected by staying open to our inner curiosity and solution-oriented mindset.  We stay calm and centered to meet the turn of events as an interesting challenge or adventure into the unknown. This alternative mindset is supported by asking ourselves “How will I deal with this?” and “What are my options?” 

Option B is possible when we recognize we are in a “no-control” situation. Fighting, reacting, and resisting will only waste our precious energy resources.

We can assume authority and take responsibility for the steps we take to be solution-oriented. Sometimes in the no-control scenario, our best action is to be patient and have a wait-and-see response. When we stay calm, we can remain focused to make a realistic assessment of the situation.

Staying calm is how we stay anchored in our stress mastery mindset to stay resilient in any no-control situation where the cause or the outcome is completely out of our hands. Stress mastery is how we meet our stress triggers with a productive response to the unexpected and uncontrollable.

Tips to hold the Option B mindset in no-control situations.

• Take a deep breath into your center and keep breathing when the shocking news hits you. Slow deep breaths trigger the “rest and digest” stress resilience response by putting the brakes on the stress hormones that typically rev up your system.
• Hold a solution-oriented mindset while staying curious with an open and receptive mind. Ask “What are my options and how will I meet this challenge?”
• Tell yourself, this is an interesting situation, I’m on an adventure. This will connect to the “meet the challenge” stress response to tap into a growth mindset.
• Bond and connect with those around you for the “tend and befriend” stress response which will release the bonding hormone Oxytocin to increase courage and dampen fear during adversity. Connecting with others about your shared plight will support you to lighten up so you can see the bigger picture.
• Stay out of blame and victim mode for what is happening to you which you have no control over and step into self-responsibility to accept that sometimes the best action is to find a creative solution or adopt a wait-and-see with patience mindset so you can be flexible and go with the flow. This supports you to hold your space and not lose precious energy over something which you have no control.

Learning how to stay calm in the face of a no-control situation is where the rubber meets the road to test your resilience skills so you can tap into Stress Mastery.