We all have experiences in life that inform our bias or perception of how we see reality.
The perceptions that form our bias may be conscious or unconscious. They develop based on how we encode our past experiences as positive or negative, how our image makers informed our viewpoint, and the culture and subcultures we are part of. These arenas form the lens through which we view all life as it happens to us, around us, and internally within us.
Our perceptions can create tunnel vision when we only see one viewpoint; our own. Yet to be open-hearted and non-judgmental in our communication with others, we will need to open up to see the other side or potentially multiple viewpoints. What if we could explore to see something 360 degrees from a place of curiosity and not judge if something is good or bad, right or wrong but simply open our imagination to see what may be possible?
The five perceptions to view reality:
- Some will like it
- Some will dislike it
- Some will hate it
- Some will love it
- Some will feel neutral as accepted without judgment
You can plug in any polarizing person or topic and get together with five friends to explore these varying viewpoints. This might make an interesting road trip game on a long drive, or for entertainment while sitting around the campfire this summer.
I could offer some polarizing topics to choose from but you may not finish this post if I trigger you by my personal polarizing viewpoint topics. Alternatively, the arenas that I find polarizing, you may find totally non-triggering through your personal lens.
The most illuminating aspect about these five perceptions is when we apply them to ourselves to explore how we are perceived by others. We induce stress when we want everyone to like us and everyone in our immediate circle to love us. We can lose energy when someone doesn’t like us. Not feeling seen or heard may trigger our insecurity.
Many of us have the habit of looking for approval from outside ourselves. This can be very stressful to think about, what will I say or do so I can feel liked, loved, or even just ok in their eyes? We learned to seek approval from outside ourselves as small children when we needed to feel safe, to feel we belonged and were loved. Some of us even picked up traits to seek any attention, both positive and negative to feel seen by others. We may say or do what we think others want from us rather than being true to ourselves. This pattern of people-pleasing will not serve our happiness in the long run.
Now that we have some wisdom under our belt, we begin to see we need to find another way to be ok from the inside regardless of how people may perceive us on the outside. This is where the healing happens to feel self-acceptance, self-love, and the gift of no concern for anything that does not relate to our personal truth.
If we go back to the five perceptions and accept that in reality, 100% of people will not like us and love us. Realistically only about 20% of people will like us, 20% will love us and that leaves space for others who may dislike us, perhaps hate us, or feel completely neutral about us.
This concept that we don’t need to be liked by everyone is a big shift in our personal lens because we do not have to do back-flips and summersaults to gain the approval of others. It is a game changer when we take a stand for our truth and are 100% honest about what we say and what we do. This reality that we don’t have to win everyone over to be liked takes the pressure off and opens the door to personal freedom. It brings those who do like us and love us into our personal circle. It makes it easier to set boundaries for those who are not part of our inner circle and to let them go without losing energy from the worry and fretting that they don’t accept us.
The empowerment comes when we can set ourselves free by letting go of our approval-seeking patterns and trust our inner compass to stand within our own honesty and truth. This re-wire doesn’t happen overnight but once we place our attention on speaking up without the fear of disapproval, we will start to flex our free will muscle and put our authentic selves into the world. The great irony is that those who like us and love us already see our authentic selves and accept us in all our shining and not-so-shining expressions!
Taking the five perceptions a level deeper, apply these principles to your leadership role. Leadership is one arena where people may like you, dislike you, love you, hate you, or feel neutral about you.
As a leader, we stand alone sometimes making decisions that not everyone will like or approve of. If we try to make “friends” with those who we are leading we can get caught in the middle of what is referred to as “personality and events”. This can feel sticky, it opens the door to drama and erodes respect.
In leadership, the best rule of thumb is to accept that when we as a leader roll out our decisions, to do it with honesty, and integrity. To maintain respect, consistently keep the door open to hear the viewpoints of those who express all five perceptions. There may be a new approach or an angle that hasn’t been seen without opening up our imagination to be curious and non-judgmental about the perceptions and concerns of those we lead. It will empower those we lead to speak up honestly and truthfully and be heard and met, even if the decision is not altered.
Anytime you feel concerned about what others will think or say, remember there are five perceptions and let go of winning over approval at the cost of what is true for you.
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