I first learned about the different types of stress responses from the book “The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You and How to Get Good at It” by Kelly McGonical, Ph.D. Her book demonstrated an illuminating new perspective on stress. I created my Stress Mastery Programs based on the new science of stress. I applied her collection of data from the most recent studies on stress and created a compelling message for my approach to help people rewire their stress patterns. I have applied my Stress Mastery principles to my own life as my personal beta tester. This is how I walk my talk as a Stress Mastery Expert. I’m right in there, with you all, mastering my own stress!
Let’s get back to the basics of Stress Mastery strategies that I offer to my clients and workshop participants.
We all have stress if we are living fully and engaging with what brings us meaning and purpose. If your life is free of stress, then we can assume that your life may be boring, cruisy, or that you are securely staying within your comfort zone by not trying new things or investing in your personal growth. If this approach to life resonates with you, then you may not be someone who identifies as being a life-long learner or someone who is still investing in your personal growth.
Our greatest growth opportunities are often at the edge of our comfort zone.
You can download my free eBook from my website, “How to Grow from Your Stress.”
Back to stress basics:
- We stress about those things we care about. If we didn’t care, we would not be stressed.
- We are making choices, decisions, and priorities all day long and when two important things compete with each other, stress will result.
- If we can recognize our own values that bump up against each other, we can discern where to shift our priorities or how we can modify our choreography.
- Life is a dance; how we choreograph what is important to us is key to finding a more productive way to meet our stress. This is the secret to more life harmony and balance. (Work-life-balance may be a myth, but can we feel better about how we prioritize what really matters at work and at home?)
- Resistance is a key factor beneath all stress patterns. Looking for what we are resisting when we feel stress can be insightful and support how we can find a less exhausting way forward.
3 Key Stress Responses:
- Fight, Flight or Freeze Response is most effective when we are in a life-threatening situation and not so effective in our workday or in the kitchen after a blow up with a family member. The surge of stress hormones and neurotransmitters are designed to save our lives, and when these flow freely throughout our system for a prolonged period of time or chronically in our daily lifestyle, we will open the door to the cascade of emotional and physical symptoms related to chronic stress. It’s hard to learn or grow from this stress response because our tunnel vision is focused on survival.
- Meet the Challenge Response: We want to lean into this response as our go-to in our day-to-day busy life or edgy new experiences where we are putting ourselves outside of our comfort zone. Here is a productive way to navigate our competing priorities and values conflicts. In the Meet the Challenge Response, we can grow and learn from this engagement, stay solution-oriented to find a win-win, and stay focused on how we can learn to get better if it’s something new. This is the response experienced by athletes before the big game because when the butterflies are present and the palms are a bit sweaty, the athlete is focused on performing well and winning. They feel excited and not anxious. The body doesn’t know if it’s anxiety or excitement until we label our emotions as positive or negative.
- Tend and Befriend Response is the natural, built-in stress resilience mode that some are not utilizing fully. The Tend and Befriend Response is accessed when you reach out to offer support or to receive support from another when facing adversity or a challenge. This response will increase courage, dampen fear, and, as Dr. McGonigal writes, make you more social. Access this mode of stress resilience during those life situations where we find ourselves facing a big opportunity, a big confrontation, a big loss, or a big change. These are examples of a perfect time to reach out to someone you trust for support or to offer support. It’s a two-way channel that promotes the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone that supports stress resilience. For those who are independent and self-reliant, you may be missing out on this human heart-to-heart natural support system. It helps bring meaning and understanding to difficult situations like loss or natural disasters that you see on the news. Watching how the people come together in support and community during difficult times is the Tend and Befriend mode in action.
- One of the take-aways for Stress Resilience is the importance of accessing your support system during challenging times. It may be a conversation with peers at the water cooler or in the lunchroom, or a request for a loved one or a friend to “hold the basket” for you so you can let go of your worries and upset. One of the keys to being in the supporter role of the Tend and Befriend mode is to simply hold space, without judgment or problem-solving. Being a good listener builds a strong bridge of support that empowers the other.
For more Stress Mastery tips and practices, go to my book “Courage to Shine: How to Feel Confident Outside Your Comfort Zone” on Audible and Amazon. Request a Stress Mastery Workshop for your group or organization. Visit www.Directions4Wellness.com for more resources.
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