(Be the Bridge Builder Not the Blame Thrower)

There is a lot of conflicting camps these days and you can feel the conflict in the air even if you have stopped watching the news and taken a social media hiatus. We are all feeling the tension of what is going on around us with so many polarizing topics. It’s like walking through a landmine of buried explosive devices.

One thing I know is that there are many things happening that we don’t have control over, and you may be feeling a lot of stress or perhaps feeling helpless or hopeless. Polarity of opinion and viewpoints are a burden on our relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. We must be so cautious about how we talk to people, so we don’t get triggered on the other side of their values, opinions and what they feel passionate about.

The temptation is to go into blame and to feel that I am right, and you are wrong. This belief will further divide us when we stand on the other side of the fence with hostility.

You may be gravitating to those like-minded individuals who share your point of view, deepening the growing split between us inside our families and within our community. This is not one-hearted. This split will only increase the tension and the stress that is already building around you and across humanity.

What if your dear friend or family member is one of those who are standing on the other side of the fence? How do you bridge the gap of opinion and values that are opposites for the sake of your friendship or loved one?

You don’t have to pull away if you have a strategy to maintain your connection despite differing viewpoints.

Currently, there is a whole lot of blame and finger pointing which takes the responsibility away from you and says someone else is responsible. “It’s your fault, it’s not my fault.” When you catch yourself pointing the finger in blame, what part can you take responsibility for? What is yours to do? What discernment can you make to see what is truth and reality from a neutral perspective?

You do have the choice to simply notice and respond without going into defensiveness and blame. Staying out of blame and reactivity is at the heart of mindful awareness also known as “presence in the here and now”.

The truth is that the more you lose your inner space and feel emotionally triggered, the more vulnerable your immune system will be. Firing up your stress hormones will not support your natural immune response or your ability to be the bridge connecting with those who are your key relationships.

Steps to Becoming the Bridge:

• When you hear someone going into blame or talking about their opinions that may not be congruent with your viewpoint or values, simply notice.
• Pause internally and take a breath into your center, your “one-point” 2-3 finger breaths below your naval. Drop into your core to stabilize yourself emotionally and mentally. This will support neutral, nonjudgmental listening in the here and now (aka presence).
• From here, what supports you to stay neutral and non-triggered internally is what I call, “controlled folly” this is where you intentionally put on a mask that says you are going along with the opinion or viewpoint that is being shared. You are neither agreeing nor disagreeing. You are simply listening and holding space with presence for the other. In controlled folly, you are keeping your thoughts or opinions to yourself intentionally, as a choice to conserve energy, to choose to not go into reactivity, to allow the other person to share their point of view. Once conversation moves to another topic, you can remove the mask just as intentionally as you stepped into it. This mindful skill will maintain your connection with family, friends and co-workers.
• It’s a very decisive action to hold space for another from that neutral, nonjudgmental attitude and approach called mindful listening; neither agreeing nor disagreeing but simply staying in the present moment in one-hearted communication.
• Holding space without verbally agreeing or disagreeing is how you are the bridge to stay connected with those you care about when these polarizing topics come up.
• You are not changing your views or asking the other person to see your point of view.
• Internally, you stay true to your own values and stay within your own circle without a power struggle or engaging the mental-emotional teeter-totter.
• This strategy of meeting another as the bridge to hold space will support a new attitude and approach to close the schism that is deepening. 
• Mindful listening will support you to hold your inner space so you can stay present and neutral within your outer space. This builds connection and is the bridge to restoring one-hearted connection with those important people in your life.

Now when it comes to feeling helpless and hopeless for those things in the world that are classified as “no control” situations, rather than doing mental-emotional battle which will place the blame on someone else, ask what it is you can do from a place of self-responsibility. What steps can you take within your own circle of empowerment that will support what you value? Where can you make a difference within your personal world? What is yours to take responsibility for? What small step can you take in your life that will be the pebble in the pond as the bridge to restore trust and interconnection with those key people who matter to us.

Taking a step, no matter how small, will turnaround helplessness by taking action with a no-control life situation. The invitation is to get off the shore and into the water.

Try on the mask of controlled folly when you find yourself inside those potentially polarizing topics that may open the door to conflict and divisiveness with those people in your life who matter to you in your day-to-day.

Holding space to be the bridge with another will turn hopeless into interconnection and build resilience to support your natural immune response through the bonding hormone of oxytocin as you connect with others.

If we each make mindful connections with those around us, with an intention to be one-hearted, despite differing opinions, experiences, and perspectives, we can support the healing of humanity, one conversation at a time as we hold space for each other. Be the bridge builder and not the blame thrower.