Keys to Clear Co-Empowered Communication

While clear communication is king not all of us have the skill or the awareness to communicate differently than we always have. Most of us never studied Communication Effectiveness 101 classes. Poor communication creates big and small ripples that adversely impact how we relate with each other at home and at work. Communication is a two-way channel for both listening and speaking and is the art form for human connection.

For years I thought I was lacking skill in my relationships. I thought there was something wrong with me as a person that I was so challenged in relating with others, especially in my most important relationships.

Over time I studied different approaches to improve how to communicate with others more effectively. I learned how to confidently speak to groups both large and small. Through my Health Coach training, I learned how to ask open ended curious questions and how to reflect back what I heard in my one-on-one conversations. I even studied Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP. Yet my deepest lessons on the art of communication came from my most confrontational conversations with those key individuals in my life; my family members, mentors and intimate partners.

Most of us would choose to avoid confrontation to keep the peace. When you meet confrontation directly, you will gain a full increase in your measure of self-worth. Following a confronting exchange there can be a rush of self-acceptance that says “yes! I did it!” after you respond.

The key to strong listening and effective speaking is based on the presence of these five key factors.

1. When we listen to someone, we need to be fully listening without thinking, planning our response, or cultivating a solution. We need to stop multi-tasking and focus our attention on the other person.
2. When we are speaking or listening it’s essential that we are centered in our core and present in the moment without judgement.
3. To stay neutral, we can breathe into our power place 2-3 finger breadths below the naval. I call this place between the lower belly and the naval, the one-point.  This is our center or our core. Drop out of our busy, analytical thinking mind and listen to the inner wisdom of intuition. Trust our gut.
4. Take full responsibility for what is ours to speak. Do we need to take ownership of something we said or did that we need to clean up? Initiate the conversation that will bring clarity and clear the deck of negativity or misunderstanding.
5. Always, always keep our heart open during any challenging or important conversations. Speak our truth with honesty and clarity from that place of assuming authority and taking responsibility without blame. This will keep us in co-empowerment in any challenging conversation both as listener and speaker.