Your Vision and Values; Keeping Your Eye on the Prize
You can easily open the door to stress when something you care about is at stake. If you didn’t care about it, you would not be stressed about it. If you pause to reflect on what you care about you will notice that nearly everything that is important to you has a value linked to the meaning and purpose to that thing you care about most. Think of values in terms of “What really matters in your life?” It’s a big question to ponder when you stop to reflect on that question. Yet your internal value based operating system may be mostly unconscious as you navigate your priorities throughout your day.
Take Stock of Personal Values
The invitation is to take stock of your personal values first in terms of what really matters to you. Then make a list of those values related to your family, your work culture and your community.
One of my teachers used to say “Feeling stress is a symptom of p_ _s-poor choreography.” What could be possible if you could shift how you prioritize your day to put your personal values front and center throughout your day? It may be the stress game changer that you are longing for.
What you care about is linked to your values. How you prioritize from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to sleep at night is based on your internal value assessment relating to what is important AND what you desire.
Stress comes when you are in conflict between your value for what is important, and your value in terms of what you desire. Values conflicts can trigger all kinds of negative emotions and energy loss as well as stress. Think guilt, resistance, shame, blame and anxiety which all sabotage your energy, fulfillment, and your happiness.
Two Types of Values
In breaking down values there are two types. You have your Core Values which are your ideal operating system in the big picture of your life. Examples of Core Values are family, health, faith, career success and fulfillment. Other not so obvious examples of Core Values are freedom, peace, joy, autonomy, relaxation and helping others. Your Core Values are part of how you prioritize your lifestyle and create your day-to-day lifestyle patterns.
The other type of values are your Operational Values. These are the values you choose that feel good in the moment or bring pleasurable experiences. Eating cake at the office birthday party may not align with the value you have for your health and dietary choices. But in the moment, celebrating with comrades or the delicious taste of cake may appeal as your priority.
Operational Values are those values that are often more aligned with spontaneity than the long-term vision. They are all the things you choose to feel good, have pleasure, or reduce discomfort in the moment.
You can clearly see how easy it is to choose an operational value in the moment that feels good, and brings short term pleasure and at the same time directly competes with your long term values and vision for your best life….You are facing values conflicts constantly throughout your day. Staying up late to watch a movie with your partner competes with getting sufficient sleep before you head off to work. As a parent, it can be challenging to prioritize me time vs. family time. What I know after supporting my clients is that most of you make these decisions around your value priorities mostly unconsciously without really tuning into the fact that your values may be in direct competition with each other. One of the ways to recognize you are having a values conflict is when you hear yourself say “I should” or “I wish”
Here are the outcomes that can result:
- You may choose one value over another
- You may compromise between/among values
- You may live with a values conflict
- Live with a values conflict in a stressful way
- Live with a values conflict by simply noticing
- Wait to make a future decision and not choose either way
The first step to close the door on stress due to a conflict with your values is to recognize which of your values are directly competing with each other with a neutral, nonjudgmental attitude to simply notice. Once you can clearly identify the competing priorities, you can choose which one is your priority in this moment today. Tomorrow you may prioritize differently.
Then you can decide, without losing energy, clearly and without stress, one of the responses above. You can choose one over the other, compromise in some way to accommodate both or simply to recognize the conflict is present and you can live with the optimal choice you are making in the moment that aligns with what matters to you most in this moment, on this day.
Mindful Awareness
Mindful Awareness will support how to be in an attitude of non-judgment in your process of prioritizing as you see the reality of which values are at stake. A simple practice of Pause-Notice-Choose can help you breathe into your core/center to take a pause. Then take stock of what the internal conflict is. You can name any emotions or energy triggers you are feeling and simply notice them without judging if its good or bad. Then in that pause, you can respond with the best choice in the moment; Core Value or Ideal Value. Long term vision of your best life or the short term solution to be spontaneous for pleasure and what feels good in the moment. Is there a way to say YES! and honor both values or does it need to be a choice of one over the other?
Once you are awake and paying attention on purpose in the moment (aka mindful awareness) you can design a better choreography to align with the Vision of how you want to be in your life rather than opening the door to stress and the stream of negative emotions and energy loss that often results from poor priority choices. Some days it is the cake with your comrades and other days it is about walking your talk consistently in your life. You have the freedom to choose. The freewill muscle is worthy of a little exercise so you can keep your eye on the prize of your vision and what really matters in your life.
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