Face it, sometimes we put off initiating difficult or edgy conversations because we are afraid of the response we may receive and how the conversation will go. So we wait and wait to bring up the subject until we can take a running leap off the edge of our imaginary cliff to make the crucial conversation happen.
It is appropriate to be thoughtful about how to bring up a difficult or vulnerable topic. Without a lot of forethought, we may create unintended consequences, and if we aren’t ready to “walk our talk,” we may go into blame or make excuses rather than being in a solution-focused mindset.
In this era of polarity in our collective, it’s easy for a conversation to go sideways if there are different perceptions. The art of communication is to hold a neutral space for the other person, no matter what viewpoint they share, especially when they see a different way. This can be hard to do if we hold the belief that one is right and one is wrong or that one way is better than the other. This divisive thinking will build a wall within the relationship.
Here are some approaches to stack your deck when you want to broach an important topic at work, with a friend, or your partner.
- Catching your timing. If you wait too long, the impact of your topic may pass. It’s always better to bring the topic up closer to the situation or event in real time.
- Catch their timing. If you want to have an important conversation, it’s always good to ask the other person when they are available to talk with you. They will not feel blindsided, and they can be more present to talk and not distracted if the timing works for their schedule.
- Center yourself. Mindful awareness techniques can help you to center yourself into your one-point or core- that place of inner wisdom and creative solutions (aka trust your gut/intuition) located in your lower belly, approximately 2-3 finger breaths below your navel. Take slow, deep breaths to support presence and the ability to deeply listen from a neutral, nonjudgmental place.
- Open the subject in a truthful, positive way. Start with what is working or a positive reflection or affirmation of what is true in relation to the topic. This is honesty without flattery. “You have put a lot of energy into this project, and I see it’s really important to you.” (Hint: focus on the other using “you” statements.)
- Share your topic or concern through a solution-oriented approach. Stay out of blame and hold an open, curious approach that allows room for both sides. Ideally, the outcome will be a win-win that both sides are heard and met.
- Check-in. What are they taking away? Ask an open-ended question to check in and clarify what they understand or their gain from the exchange, either positive or negative. Stay neutral either way.
- Keep your Heart open! This may be the most challenging step- to stay open and listen from an open-hearted place for the truth to be exposed. Listen with more than your physical ears.
- What did you learn from the exchange? You may be wiser, more compassionate, or gain an illumination or a perspective that you didn’t have before the conversation. You may even agree to disagree, but you can accept each other’s point of view as different.
- Meeting confrontation will increase your measure of self-worth. Taking responsibility and assuming self-authority to carry through with this crucial conversation, regardless of the outcome, will actually increase your self-worth.
Learn empowering communication skills from “Courage to Shine. How to Feel Confident Outside Your Comfort Zone,” available through Amazon and Audible.
Schedule Stress Mastery Coaching with Sara – sara@directions4 wellness.com
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