Being Independent Is Not What You Think It Is

Posted by on Jan 24, 2018 in Health and Wellness, Stress Resilience, Stress Tips | 0 comments


I had an amazing epiphany the other day about the down side of being an Independent person. Autonomy is really what we want to create for ourselves so we can step into our empowerment to express our gifts without apologies. Autonomy will bring us more freedom than being independent.

My amazing clients are typically life-long learners who value success and are willing to push and strive a bit harder for the success they have created.  They come to me because they are running out of steam, feeling unfulfilled and wishing their relationships were better.

Many of these individuals have learned to be successful by being independent. They learned to not rely on others and take pride in their independence. They feel that they need to control the outcome to meet their high standards. They may control and micromanage the people or the process to stay on track. They take on the work of others instead of asking for help. Independent individuals avoid making mistakes because they are driven by perfection.  They are not exactly sure what it means to be “receptive.”

The independent ones have learned to be survival adaptable and to be self-reliant no matter what. They may over commit themselves to feel valued or competent. They are a rebel who will take a stand to be right or to fight for their cause. They are thinking ahead to cover all the bases.

There is a perception in our culture that to be independent is an ideal characteristic, especially in women. Independent women can pay a price by doing it all alone, without help and may be exhausted, burned out, stressed out or wiping out their health. They are strong in their career arena but not in their personal relationship arena.

I describe these hard-working busy bees like a bird flapping their wings to fly with a lot of energy and effort because they have no loft under their wings.  Less effort is needed to fly when gliding with the loft of the thermals under your wing. Flying with flow is what autonomy can bring. Flying with the draft of the wind under your wings connects you to flow in the present moment.

It’s more energy conserving to be autonomous. Autonomy is different than being independent. Autonomy is to be interdependent, inter-related and inter-reliable with others.  Autonomy is about prioritizing your heart’s desire without losing yourself to the perception of pleasing others. To gather the wind under your wings is to fly with flow when you are able to receive the support from your partner or your community. When you have a team behind you to have your back. When you can stand in your own circle of empowerment and feel confident, so you can shine with your gifts and lead others to their success.

Flying with the wind under your wings is like soaring with the thermals. Catching opportunities and having the bandwidth to say yes to spontaneity because you are connected to the present moment and not ruminating in the past or anxious about the future. Being receptive to your desire to create a life that is joyful and fulfilling.

If you are curious how you can create more autonomy to catch more loft under your wings, schedule your Evolutionary Blueprint Session so you can learn how you are designed to be autonomous and free to flow with more loft under your wings. Contact Sara Regester directly at or visit her website at



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